The Truth About Spidey Senses
My adventures in online dating aside, I do occasionally meet guys in real life. At bars, through friends,
in the dark alley that runs parallel to Lankershim in North Hollywood affectionately called “rhymes with
grape” alley…the latter not being my favorite, but it’s a shortcut to our favorite dive bar.
After spending ten months learning how to crochet, knit, and any other activity reserved for little blue-
haired ladies (yes, I realize these things are now cool and trendy) in hopes of getting over the failure of
my almost three-year relationship, I decided it was time to get out and have some fun. Perfect timing as
my friend invited my sister and me to a Halloween party. Edit…I have since learned the best way to get
over any kind of rejection is move on ASAP!
I donned my go-to sexy Alice in Wonderland costume and we went to the party. I met Sam (not his real
name) at said party. He was tall, cute, had a great smile, and was dressed up as Ted, Seth Macfarlane’s
offensive teddy bear. Truth be told, I was all about Mike who was wearing a banana costume that night
and didn’t pay much attention to Sam at all. 3 keg stands and 2 games of beer pong later (hey, ten
months of crocheting will do that to a girl) it was time to go. Sam walked us out and told us to let him
know when we got home. My sister deserves a special shout-out for being my sober driver and letting
her big sis get a little cray cray!
Fast forward a couple weeks and my sister and I thought we spotted Sam at a concert. My memory
was a little fuzzy so I pointed him out. We texted him and although it wasn’t him, that started a
conversation which turned into a date a couple nights later. He was polite and sweet and a very good
kisser. We started seeing each other a couple days a week. We cooked dinners together and had great
chemistry in the kitchen. Seriously…that’s not a metaphor for “in bed.” I like to eat.
A couple of months in, I was falling for him. But I’m not the kind of girl who perpetually dates. I like a
commitment after a reasonable amount of time. I went into the conversation thinking we were on the
same page. We weren’t. He “wasn’t ready for a relationship”…um what had the last couple months
been? He said we could still be friends and to text him when I was ready; yeah, no thanks. I cut off all
communication and deleted his number.
Around then is when I started going out with girlfriends more and signed up for OKCupid. I met sweet-
Charlie during one of those nights out and he didn’t waste any time asking for my number. He took me
out for a drink and kissed me at the end of the night. When I got in my car to go, it was clear someone’s
Spidey Senses were tingling…yes those exist!
A vaguely familiar number had texted me, “Hey you. Hope things are going well!” To which I
responded, “Hi. Who is this?” “Sam.” Seriously!?!?! I’ve heard women preach that as soon as you
move on, that guy from before will try to contact you but this was ridiculous! I exhibited serious self-
control when I replied with, “Oh hi. Ya I’m good thanks.” Other obvious options were, “Dude, WTF?”,
“You had your chance”, and “Can’t talk now, I’m on a date with Ryan Gosling.” Some could argue that
he just wasn’t ready before, and maybe now he is, but I’ve decided the guy I want to be with is the one
who wants to be with me from the get-go. If he can’t make up his mind, move on! Women are freaking
amazing and shouldn’t waste time with guys who are clueless to that fact.
Sam hasn’t replied to my last text and that is perfectly fine with me! Nothing ever happened with
banana boy. And as for sweet-Charlie, he looked a little like Bradley Cooper, but unfortunately it wasn’t
a love connection. Next!